Better Blokes has been around on the North Shore for about seven years. The organisation started out using the Browns Bay Community Centre for its meetings and around two years ago moved to Glenfield to a space they could call their own, creating a much more welcoming environment
The organisation is all about helping men who are struggling with trauma; men who have grown up in families or environments where violence, sexual abuse or addiction has meant they have missed out on the nurture and love every child needs and deserves. This is for men who need somewhere to talk about the stuff that triggers anger, shame, loneliness and those feelings of unworthiness.
Many male survivors of violent and sexual abuse face relationship challenges with friends, family/whānau and workmates, and experience great difficulty interacting with support service providers. Effective peer support hinges on building a trust-based relationship between the survivor and their peer support worker. It is this safe and trusted relationship which can provide a real opportunity for the growth and recovery of the survivor.
The life experience of the peer support worker creates common ground from which the trust relationship with the person is formed. Empowerment, empathy, hope and choice, along with mutuality are the main drivers of purposeful peer support. There is a great deal of strength gained from knowing someone who has walked where you are walking and now has a life of their choosing.
A peer support group may be helpful if you feel lonely because of the isolation that the shame associated with abuse can often create. In a peer support group, men can share their feelings and experiences when they are ready. Sharing with those who have gone through similar experiences offers connection and an antidote to isolation.
Better Blokes provides peer support for men who have experienced violent and sexual abuse. You can get in touch via phone or email to arrange a support session. That session can be either by phone or in person. Each session is client-centred, allowing you to control the pace and content.
"We are all social beings by nature – connectedness and community are necessary if not vital to our well-being. Reconnecting and building trust are often at the core of healing from abuse, sexual or other violence."
By Rick Goodwin and Mark Patton – Survivors Helping Survivors
Meeting with people who speak your language
When you are in a peer support relationship (one-to-one or in a peer group), it’s common to hear other men share and talk about experiences you recognise, what you’ve been through and things that relate to why you are seeking support. It’s helpful to know that you are in conversation with a person or a group of people who understand what you are dealing with.
No matter what you’ve been through, what you say or how you say it, your peers have likely been through it, seen it before, or heard it from someone else. There is no need to fear the judgment of your peer support person or the group when you are doing nothing more than sharing your own experience.
You will meet people who started out where you are, have had similar experiences and have moved forward to a place of recovery. This provides an opportunity to develop coping skills as you learn how others have navigated their life challenges.
Contact Better Blokes on 0800 448 484 or phone Patrick Giles, Northern Support Supervisor at Better Blokes on 09 378 8821
or email: patrick.giles@betterblokes.org.nz
Visit: betterblokes.org.nz
