The government’s recent updates on its strategy to address eating disorders, as outlined in the Beehive article 'Refreshed Eating Disorder Strategy' announced during Awareness Week, have sparked a mixture of hope and frustration in me. While I acknowledge the efforts being made, I cannot help but reflect on how long families like mine have waited for real, meaningful change. Sixteen years, to be exact.

In 2021, I submitted a petition to Parliament urgently calling for better care, more resources, and a fundamental shift in treating this life-threatening illness.
My daughter’s struggle with an eating disorder during the first Covid lockdown exposed the harsh reality of New Zealand’s mental health system. We were left to navigate a broken system with little to no support. It was isolating and frustrating. It became clear: New Zealand’s eating disorder care was failing families like mine.
In 2022, the government allocated $3.9 million additional funding for the eating disorder sector over four years. While this was a step forward, it’s still a drop in the ocean compared to what is needed. The government’s refreshed strategy promises peer support and prevention programmes, but I can’t help but ask: Is this enough? How many more families must struggle alone before we see real change?
Out of my painful journey, I created WithLoveED, a support network for families and individuals with lived experience, a platform for advocacy, and a voice demanding systemic change.
Our underfunded, overstretched system has let down families, and while progress is happening, the fight is far from over. The need for better resources, greater recognition, and a deeper understanding of eating disorders cannot wait.
For many, eating disorders are statistics. But for those affected, they are life-threatening illnesses, made more dangerous by a system that leaves families without the support they need. I wrote this during one of the darkest periods of my life. Thankfully, my daughter has made progress, but the message remains relevant.
My greatest wish is for New Zealand’s eating disorder care to become world-class, ensuring that no one falls through the cracks.

A parent’s plea: New Zealand’s healthcare system is failing those with eating disorders
At night, I lie awake, clinging to the hope that I can make a difference. My thoughts are relentless, circling back over and over again. I’m scared for the future. My daughter is only 16, and I don’t know where this illness will lead her. And worst of all, I blame myself. I rewind her life, searching for the moment I went wrong. Maybe I can fix this. Perhaps I can save her.
But I’ve learnt that eating disorders don’t come from a single mistake. They have deep genetic roots, and something triggers them. But the trigger doesn’t matter anymore. What matters now is that my daughter has this illness, and she needs help.
Shame and blame have no place here. Stigma only makes things worse. While science and research have advanced, New Zealand’s healthcare system has not kept pace. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric illness, yet our public health system is so underfunded that it can barely combat the disorder’s grip. Since my daughter’s diagnosis, I’ve been astounded by how we’ve been pushed around the system: “Sorry, the unit is full.” “Your daughter’s not severe enough.” “Try a dietitian.” “Look it up online.”
We were left to navigate a life-threatening illness alone. But the real danger is even greater: a public health system that has turned its back on those with eating disorders.
When I finally found a parent support group, I sat in that first session, throat tight, fighting back tears. I wasn’t alone. We were all just as afraid, confused, and angry. As I listened, the stories shattered me.
Teenagers are sent home with end-of-life plans. Parents say, “There’s nothing more we can do.” Waitlists are so long that children waste away before they get help. The private sector isn’t much better; waitlists remain, and costs are astronomical.
The overwhelming theme? We are left to suffer in silence, fighting to save our children with no real support.
“They wouldn’t do this if your child had cancer,” one mother said. And she was right.
On our support group’s FaceBook page, desperate parents post daily: “I’ve had to quit my job to care for my child full time.” “We’ve been waiting months, and my daughter is getting worse.” “How do you refeed a child who refuses to eat, who won’t even speak to you?”
All of this is not okay. Access to timely, adequate care should be a right, not a privilege. Eating disorders must be caught early for the best chance of recovery. But when waitlists are long, care arrives too late. Even when the body heals, the mind does not. Eating disorders are mental illnesses that require long-term, specialised support.
No one should die from an eating disorder. And no one has to. Recovery is 100% possible with the right treatment.
I once thought New Zealand had world-class healthcare. I was wrong.
So now, I care for my daughter and fight for change. I stand with all the parents and professionals who have been calling for help for years, only to be ignored.
If you search the news, you’ll find years of stories – brave survivors and families pleading for help. How many more stories must be told before real change happens?

Let’s keep showing the urgency of this issue.
Share your story, and make your voice heard.
Email Matt.Doocey@parliament.govt.nz
If you need support, join, visit: withloveed.com