• Tim Oughton

In Education, Positive Relationships Matter

Your children have inherited their genes from you – and that determines a lot. But it is by interacting with others that their own unique personalities emerge and grow. This explains why two children with the same parents, the same home, the same diet, the same upbringing and the same education grow up to be so completely different!

Matt Ridley’s book, Nature via Nurture: Genes, Experience, and What Makes Us Human explores the complex and bewildering question of what makes us who we are. Drawing on groundbreaking science Ridley shows that our genetic code alone cannot explain our individual characteristics. The reality is that genes build brains to absorb experience – and everyone’s experience is unique – and that’s why children with the same parents can be so different!
Leading neuroscientists like Daniel Siegel go even further. Siegel tells us that our experiences change the structure of the brain. Our brain and our relationships with others interact to shape who we are. This is an especially significant process during adolescence. From around age 12 to age 24, a burst of growth and maturation is taking place as never before. The kind of environment we live and work in during these years (and the quality of relationships we experience) impacts the very structure of the brain and the personal qualities which define us into adulthood.

We want our children to be caring and compassionate, to do well in school, to work hard and to be responsible. We want them to enjoy meaningful relationships and to feel positive about themselves. What the experts are telling us is that the quality of relationships between children and parents, between students and teachers and between peers is the most reliable and effective way to achieve these goals. Why? Because emotional connection, compassion and care nurture the positive growth of those we relate to by defining the structure and functions of the brain.
 
Kristin has all the qualities of an exceptional school – the curriculum, teachers, resources and facilities. But we have more than just that – we have a very deliberate commitment to supporting high calibre relationships with young people as a defining priority. This is not because we have a sentimental view about being nice to each other! It’s because the quality of relationships in a school are as significant a part of the education as anything that happens in a classroom.
 
Harvard University recently published the results of research begun in the late 1930s. Designed to figure out what, exactly, makes people happy and successful, it followed the lives of 700 people over a 75-year period. The results are compelling – those who maintained positive, kind and caring relationships were significantly happier and more fulfilled than those who didn’t. Someone once told me that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. The Zulu concept, 'Ubuntu' captures this idea perfectly. Literally translated it means, “I am myself through others”. Ubuntu tells us that we find ourselves – our identity and purpose - in the company we keep. Found in many cultures, it is also a concept which wonderfully connects the wisdom of the past with the findings of modern science.

This is my final thought piece for Channel on education. I will be finishing a 43 year career in education at Kristin at the end of Term Two and moving back to the South Island to begin the next part of the journey. I have loved being a teacher and it remains one of the noblest professions in the world. I hope it always remains that way and those who make important political decisions realise just how influential and important schools are in the development of progressive and civilised societies.


Issue 99 June 2019